Summer Moules

Lovely dish of mussels and the fattest chips and mayo eaten sitting in the afternoon sunshine in The Bull Hotel courtyard. Although next time I order them I'll ask for them cooked with no cream. I prefer them Mariniere -simply white wine, garlic and parsley so I can drink the liquer like a soup and dunk my bread. I was left with a bowl of cream - undrinkable.

How To Cook The Perfect Christmas Dinner!

How To Cook The Perfect Christmas Dinner!

1. Don’t.
2. If you have to, remain sober.
3. Not sober? Don’t be over ambitious.
4. Check size of turkey in relation to size of your oven.
5. Only invite guests that drink too, then they won’t notice the state you’re in.
6. Lower the lights so they can’t see the cat’s hairs in the first course.
7. Pour plenty of wine in the gravy to camouflage alien flavours.
8. Try to eat something yourself to soak up the alcohol intake in your blood.
9. Wear waterproof mascara for the inevitable moment when you cry/sweat.
10. Don’t ever get talked into doing it again.

My then still comparatively new man is assuming that because I ran a restaurant I could cook, and on the strength of this invited six good friends to Christmas day lunch. My cottage is small, and my kitchen is a galley.

They, including man looking smug and proud, are sitting round the dining table in the glow of myrrh-scented candles (No: 6). Their glasses are permanently being topped up, and they are feeding from a large oval dish of crudités and dips while I cook the first course. I have a very large copper pan full of mixed seafood being sautéed in butter, olive oil, garlic and herbs for the Italian style ‘Frito Misto’ I am ambitiously preparing. (No: 3) I give the heavy pan a chef like swirl over the heat, and amazingly, the entire contents of prawns, scallops, mussels and squid, take on a life of their own, and spiral into the air, hang suspended and dump themselves over the kitchen floor and into the cat’s dish!

I look furtively at my guests from the open plan galley. They’re laughing, drinking (No: 5) and talking merrily! Haven’t apparently seen a thing! I scoop everything up, from under the edge of fridges, washing machine and yes, the cat’s dish and throw it back into the pan, add fresh lemon juice, more black pepper, pray and serve it up in a large dish
for them to shell and pick at and dunk their crusty bread into the hot, garlic butter. I am saved. I sit and join in, but I can’t bring myself to eat (No: 8), so partake of a little more wine. (No: 2)

My oven is too small to take a turkey adequate enough for eight diners (No: 4). I am cooking three plump whole boned turkey breasts. They have been roasted, basted in butter and ready to ‘rest’ out of the oven to continue cooking in their own heat, while I make my gravy. I like gravy. I like rich, slightly thickened gravy, not much of a ‘jus’ person.

The saucepan has all the delicious roasting juices from the turkey breasts and I’m whisking in my flour, making a roux. I gently add my homemade chicken stock, stirring continually, watching it satisfyingly thicken. I reach over for my old fashioned Gravy Browning, pour, and stare in disbelief at the Fairy Liquid bottle in my left hand and the green globule slowly dissolving into my pan full of rich gravy! I panic! I slurp! I honestly think for one moment I am able to scoop the offending green Fairy Liquid out of the pan with a slotted spoon, add lashings of wine and get away with it! (No: 7)

I tip the gravy down the sink. I look at the residue in the roasting pan where the breasts are resting, but I’ve used it all. I have to resort to a chicken stock cube, cornflour and this time, the Gravy Browning, and not the Fairy. I am dripping, with perspiration and with tears. (No: 9)

My guests are having a deliriously happy time. I’m glad somebody is. I’m the hostess and I’m not! I serve up. Roast potatoes the Delia way; Crispy chipolatas and bacon; Baby Carrots caramelised with fresh grated ginger; Sprouts and roast chestnuts; Roast parsnips with Cinnamon; Moist Fruit stuffing; Carved Turkey breast and disgusting wishy washy gravy….

The compliments flow, the wine flows, the conversation gets more outrageous, my galley
kitchen is a tip, but I know the cheese course will be trouble free, and we have home-made Christmas Pudding Ice-Cream, Syllabub and fresh fruits and nuts to follow.

I manage the coffee and fudge without serious accidents, and feel my job is done, so sit back with an impressive looking Brandy Bottle in front of me, my special glass, my roll up tin and eventually join in the fun.

My company were blissfully unaware of all the ghastly happenings in my galley, of which I’m glad. I made man promise NEVER to invite friends for Christmas again, bearing in mind, the only time he goes into the galley is to visit the fridge for a beer……………

To summarise: This leaves points one and ten! I mean it, it’s just another roast dinner, well, that’s what we’re told. They’re lying! It’s a monumental task, hard, stressful, fraught, expensive, over lavish, unnecessary, somebody’s always drunk, either the guests, the host, or in my case, both.

This year, twenty of us are all contributing in our local by preparing and bringing all the vegetables, deserts, first courses, nibbles and a French Run for the booze, and our landlady is cooking the geese, ducks, turkey and beef and leaving us to run riot in the comfort of her lovely Inn.

All Fur Coat and No Knickers

I'm in a quandry when it comes to judging restaurant food these days. There was nothing wrong with the above first course of pigeon breast on a cauliflower puree. But it had no substance - All Fur Coat and No Knickers. As if some cooks these days think a big plate, a miniscule portion and an arty farty bit of garnish pass for great cooking.


There was nothing wrong with the above deep fried prawns, a fig chutney and dressed leaves. It tasted good but somehow uninspiring. Somehow not honest.


The above side order of Triple Cooked Chips were fantastic. I would have liked three times as many chips and a bowl of mayo as a main course and nothing else.

I know what it is. On almost every plate of food this cook places in front of the diner the various components of the dish Do Not Touch Each Other. Like they've had a row or have a contagious illness. They never meet, never blend, touch either on the plate or in the mouth. This is perfect food cooked without love.

And I would like to meet the chef who introduced the paintbrush to the kitchen. You know - when the chef puts a puree on a big plate and drags the paintbrush through it. I would like to meet the chef who ever first did this and then I would like to smack him.

Opposite Sides of the Street

Above is a starter course of King Scallops on a bed of puree of minted peas topped with crisped streaky bacon. Served in an East Street hotel restaurant. It was fine to eat.

Above is a starter course of Queen Scallops on a bed of puree of minted peas. Served in an East Street Restaurant directly opposite. It was fine to eat.

Although I am a fishmonger's daughter and in the 1960s my Mum would cook us King Scallops and crispy bacon topped with a fried egg for Sunday breakfast.

King Scallops are better than Queen as I love to eat the orange coral. Crispy bacon is a far better accompianment than Black Pudding or Chirizo Sausage. And please don't offer me a combination of fish and chilli.

Food does go in trends but I wonder who copied who in my High Street eating places?

I Looked Over Jordan and What Did I see

The 10.15 am five and a half hour flight from Gatwick to Aqaba in Jordan was smooth and the time passed quickly. I always get excited flying over deserts and even more so on this trip as we flew over the clear blue Red Sea and the resort of Aqaba, made a U-turn, approached the small airport from the sea landing at 3.30 pm. The immigration formalities were speedy and within half an hour our 'gang' of thirty Voyageurs Jules Verne travellers were seated in our coach with our Jordanian tour guide Omar giving us the basic details of what was happening next as we sped along the road to the Nabotaean rose-red city of Petra for a three night stay in the four star Crown Plaza Hotel; let the adventure of discovering Jordan begin.

We were to travel through the highways and deserts of Jordan staying in Petra, Amman and Aqaba in four and five star hotels, including the Radisson SAS in Aqaba. Even as a young woman I was useless at roughing it so Morty and myself do need the promise of luxury, a comfy bed, a good meal, a bath and a beer at the end of hot and strenuous days spent sightseeing, walking and often bumpy coach rides to prepare ourselves for the following day's excitement and culture.

Even though there had been an incident in August this year with some middle -eastern men renting a warehouse in Aqaba and firing missiles at some USA ships anchored in the Red Sea, missing their target and hitting the Israeli Red Sea resort of Eilat injuring an Israeli taxi-driver, we felt safe, although in retrospect I realise that we weren't. Unlike our 2004 visit to Egypt we had no armed guards escorting us in Jordan and no physical evidence of security at any of our hotels . Our guide told us how proud the Jordanians are of their King Abdullah, son of the late King Hussein and his British wife, who travels the world as a business man, wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase to promote his country.

Our first meal in Petra that evening was memorable. Although buffet-style, the Jordanian Mezzah of hummus, tahini, olives, salads, pitta, cracked wheat, aubergines, meatballs and soup was delicious. I soon realised that the Mezzah alone plus mouth watering Turkish style deserts of baklava, pancakes, halva, figs and sweet cinnamon scented rice puddings was my preferred choice so subsequently I omitted the hot dishes of lamb and chicken stews and shish kebabs.

We had an early start the next morning, so after a refreshing sleep and breakfast of fresh figs, yoghurt and coffee; we began our full day exploring Petra. Forget fashion and style. Wear walking shoes, wear a hat, carry water and apply sun protection. The two mile walk along the narrow corridor between the high rocks is a downward slope. There are fine horses, camels, pony and traps and donkeys for hire waiting at the entrance to Petra to taxi the visitor down but the walk isn't overly taxing. Along the way view sculptures in the rocks, Greek inscriptions and admire the light and shadow as the sun beams through the darkness of the narrow walkway. Then pause and hold your breath as the corridor opens up and the brilliant sunshine illuminates the grand treasury building of Petra carved from the rose-hued rock in the 1st century BC. You'll recognise the Corinthian columns from scenes in the film 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade'. You are in a special place.

Continue walking along a further narrow passage past several tombs to see a Roman style theatre discovered as recently as 1975 by archaeologists with work still in progress. See Roman public baths, shops and monuments along the once colonnaded main street then make the steep climb to the monastery, worth the effort for the panoramic views of mountains and deserts. Although the climb was strenuous and in some places slippery on the well worn steps, donkeys were carrying twenty stone men up to the monastery - with the overweight men being held in place by young Jordanian males otherwise they would have fallen off the donkey. Shame they didn't let them!

After one full day travelling and a full day at Petra we were exhausted so were delighted the have the next day free to relax by the hotel pool restoring ourselves for our evening walk to Petra by Night with only flickering candles to light our way. Night falls quickly so by 6.30 pm we were following the candle-lit route back to the treasury in Petra to hear Bedouin music and folklore followed by dinner in a restaurant in the heart of the rose-red city. The stars have never seemed so bright and numerous as we picked our way through the uneven terrain along the narrow corridor. I do wonder about future health and safety because two of our group fell over in the darkness, hurting themselves, and one man got blisters as he was wearing borrowed trainers. Buy your own trainers. Take a torch. By 8.30 pm we were eating a Bedouin meal in the open air and being entertained by music and dancing, relieved to discover we weren't walking back uphill with full stomachs and instead had a hair-raising drive back on unmade roads to the Plaza and a deep and satisfying sleep.

The next morning we made a fond farewell to Petra, destination Amman, and driven along The Kings Highway, thus named since Biblical times, journeying through the Holy Land stopping to see Karak Castle built by the Crusaders in the 12th century to impose Christian rule on the Middle East after capturing Jerusalem in 1099. Karak Castle was rebuilt as a set based on the ruins as they are now for the film 'The Kingdom of Heaven'. We stood high up on the roof of castle keep offering us magnificent views of the deserts of Jordan and Israel. Such history!

Time for a quick lunch at the castle then another stop en route to Mabada, the city of mosaics, to a 6th century Byzantine mosaic map of the Holy Land then on to the most revered site in Jordan, Mount Nebo; a peaceful and holy place with views standing on the highest point over the Dead Sea, Jordan, Bethlehem and Jerusalem with a memorial to the prophet Moses and the alleged site of his death and burial place. Once again, we had been travelling, sightseeing, walking and eating since breakfast in Petra and were pleased to arrive as night fell in Amman, the capital of Jordan, at the Amra Crown Plaza for a two night stay beginning with a shower, a beer, another great meal and another welcome and comfortable bed.

No lie-in opportunity though, as we were up early again as to travel east from Amman to visit the eastern desert towards the Iraqi boarder, with Syria to the north and Saudi Arabia to the south and tour the Roman Desert Castles built as frontier posts for the eastern edge of their empire. A bit too close to the Iraq, Syria and Saudi Arabia borders for comfort but I simply put it out of my mind as we passed Jordanian trucks taking supplies to Iraq and Iraqi oil tankers delivering to Jordan, then onwards to the Roman Decapolis city of Jerash in the north for lunch and a tour. The ten Roman/Greek cities of the Decapolis, founded mainly by Alexander the Great around 323 BC, were models of urban planning for the whole Middle East. This Roman city has been beautifully preserved as it was buried in sand. We spent a happy three hours exploring the arches, gates, temples, colonnades and theatres seating over three thousand spectators. I'm still not sure why we sat in the auditorium watching the bagpipes played by Jordanian pipers performing traditional Scottish songs!

Do you know? We were tired! Are you surprised? We were driven back to Amman in the early evening for our first 'proper' drink with another couple in the comfortable hotel bar, then to eat a light supper and have a very early night. The night life in Amman is exciting and varied with clubs and restaurants and excellent shopping facilities - if you have the energy.

Do you know? Its day five and we haven't unpacked yet, just our washing gear and a daily rummage in our cases for clean T/shirts. So, a final breakfast in Amman then cases back on the coach for the last leg of discovering Jordan driving along the scenic Wadi Araba road to the Red Sea resort of Aqaba for two nights.

But first, a half day tour of the sprawling city of Amman which has spread from the original seven hills to over twenty, urbanising valuable agricultural land in the process. We concentrated on the downtown area, the oldest part of the city, standing on ancient ruins of The Temple of Hercules dating back to AD161 and admiring the panoramic views of this ancient and bustling city. Leaving Amman we drove south to the Dead Sea for a swim and then lunch. We've been to the Dead Sea before on the Israeli side so knew what to expect. It was hot. It was still. It was spooky. Thankfully we were the only two in our group who didn't bathe in the Dead Sea that day. Omar, our guide, warned us there were sharp stones on the edges of the water but unfortunately almost everyone cut their feet quite severely on the stones and required attention. Others had stinging eyes and sore skin from the high salt and mineral content. They all said they were pleased to have bathed in the Dead Sea, but never again!

We arrived in Aqaba just before nightfall. The rooms in the Radisson SAS were spacious and comfortable, with a balcony overlooking the hotel pool, the beach bar and directly over the private sandy beach and the deep blue waters of the Red Sea. Twelve years ago we had spent a few days in the Israeli resort of Eilat across the bay and seen the white buildings of Aqaba from there. Now I was overlooking Eilat and the Egyptian Red Sea resort of Taba from our Jordanian hotel balcony.

At this stage I was getting tired of some of the group complaining about the repeated buffets and how they longed for a bowl of soup and a crusty roll. Or a pizza! One woman told us she only ever ate pasta and cheese and couldn't find any Middle Eastern foods to suit her. She looked like a huge bowl of cooked pasta and a lump of white fatty cheese so I had to bite my lip and hold my tongue and make no comment.

Nevertheless, when a younger couple in the group invited us to join them for an evening meal of seafood specialities in the Aqaba Yatch Club we accepted. We were both missing our regular fish meals and our taste buds fancied a change. That evening we sat on the terrace of the Yatch Club overlooking the Red Sea and the classy yachts eating an Italian meal of Antipasto and Frito Misto, drinking very good Jordanian wines complete with fun company and all was well with the world.

Aqaba is a perfect beach resort for those seeking sun, sea and sand, and water sports in the spring, autumn and winter with the airport a ten minute drive from the resort. Forget the summer months as it is far too hot and oppressive. Select the best hotel you can afford overlooking the beach, although Jordan isn't an expensive holiday destination. Aqaba is also a good base for optional excursions to visit the sort of cultural places of interest I've described so far in my review. I've seen one week in a five star beach hotel in Aqaba advertised for around £350 which is cheap for winter sun and without the strain of a long haul flight.

But we hadn't finished discovering Jordan just yet. After a morning at leisure basking on the glorious beach and quietly reading we were to drive to Wadi Rum, one of the world's most colourful and unique landscapes of desert and mountain scenery, to watch the dramatic sunset followed by dinner in a Bedouin tent. Most of the scenes for the film 'Laurence of Arabia' were shot using these landscapes at Wadi Rum (We rented 'Laurence of Arabia' on our first weekend back home and sat picking out the landmarks of Wadi Rum as we spotted them)

Considering nothing had happened to alarm me during our week in Jordan, including high mountain desert passes and overhanging hairpin bends in the coach, and driving near other Middle Eastern borders, this next adventure almost had me in tears. When I saw the line of ancient Toyota pick up trucks and was told we were to ride six in a truck in the open back I blanched. I blanched even more when I saw there were no seat belts, the windscreen was shattered with no clear vision and our driver must have been all of a twelve year old Jordanian boy-racer. What a hair-raising ride through the desert that was. I almost missed the famous rock formation of The Seven Pillars of Wisdom as I hung on for dear life. Bumping, tossing us around in the back, barely avoiding rocks, almost tipping over sending us flying out and going faster and faster as the manic drivers raced each other to the safety of the mountain where we were to sit and watch the sunset; I admit to unashamedly screaming like a baby both on the way there and on the way back - but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. We had our final candlelit dinner in Jordan in a huge Bedouin tent in the desert complete with more musicians and bonfires as the desert gets very cold at night; a fitting end to a wonderful travel experience. We left Aqaba and Jordan the next afternoon at four o'clock and arrived back at Gatwick at ten o'clock the same night, tired, happy and full of the wonders we had seen.

Buying gifts in Jordan was quite difficult. In most countries, such as China and Egypt, the local guides lead the visitor to shops encouraging them to spend money on things we don't really need to bring back home as gifts and mementos. This didn't happen in Jordan. We were there in Ramadan when all Muslims fast until sunset for one month. They must think we are strange always asking if we can stop for a mint tea or a coffee and what time are we stopping for lunch. The only places the visitor can drink alcohol is in the tourist hotel bars and the hotel room mini-bars. The Jordanian currency, the dinar, is the easiest ever to convert as one dinar equals about one pound sterling. English is widely spoken and we were made to feel welcome and treated with respect and warmth. We have been to Tunisia, Morocco, and Israel and twice to Egypt and now Jordan. I am sad to admit this may be the last time we visit the Middle East for a while and there is still so much of it to see and enjoy; hopefully in more peaceful times?

Romantic Dinners

“ I love you” is extremely romantic! “Get your kit off” is overtly sexual! “Dinner’s ready!” is assured to raise Morty’s endorphin levels. Combine the three and he’s mine, all mine! Maybe he’d be anybody’s!

The power of erotic food is based mainly on folklore and has never been scientifically proven. Substances that by nature symbolized "seed or semen" such as bulbs, eggs, snails and nuts were considered naturally to have sexual influence. If a food resembled the genitalia then it was reasoned it had sexual powers.

The mind itself is a powerful aphrodisiac and the sensations of touch, smell. texture, aural, heat, visual plus imagination can affect the heart rate and stimulate sexual desire. This romantic dinner for two will have length and strength, based on certain foods, drinks, fragrances, colours and the power of suggestion.

Create an Evocative Mood

We will both wear sensual black clothes, mine of lace and velvet and his of cashmere and linen. The table is covered with a deep red velour cloth and matching deep red linen napkins. There is no cutlery, just large finger bowls filled with warm water and fresh slices of lime. Our complete meal will be eaten using our own and each others fingers as our tools, enabling us to sense the feel as well as the taste of our romantic meal.

The fine china is pure white porcelain in order to display the colour and contour of the foods we are about to eat. The glasses are cut glass lead crystal. The only lighting radiates from vanilla scented candles. The fragrance of vanilla will act as a sexual stimulant. There are deep red roses, and two personal gifts we will exchange later in the evening. The music is soft, low and unobtrusive.

Cocktails

We begin with dry cocktails to purify and heighten our taste buds for the events that are to follow:

For Her ‘Brazen Hussey’

1 ounce vodka
1 ounce Cointreau
1/2 ounce lemon juice

In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine all of the ingredients. Shake well. Strain into a cocktail glass.

For Him ‘Romeo’

1 oz light rum
1 oz Cointreau
1/2 oz lemon juice
3 oz strawberry puree

Blend ingredients with crushed ice. Pour into 14 oz bulb glass. Garnish with whole strawberry.


Appetising Foreplay

Gently Steaming Asparagus

These phallus-shaped spears are thought to be stimulating and have an aphrodisiac effect. Just look at an asparagus spear and liberate your imagination. Simply tie the trimmed, fresh green asparagus spears in bundles, keeping the tightly packed tips level and open steam for ten minutes according to size, as in all things, size does matter. Toss gently in melted lemon butter, or serve cold with hollandaise, vinaigrette or mayonnaise. Feeding each other spears, sucking the delicate tips allowing the melted butter to ooze, we will use the napkins and finger bowls to mop up the juices.

A young innocent Chardonnay will balance the powerful flavour of our asparagus and lemon butter.

The Main Intercourse

New Zealand Green Lip Mussels a la Mariniere

New Zealand Green Lipped Mussels are sweet, tender, delicate, plump and juicy, and grow to about eight inches in size, though we will be eating the more acceptable four inches! Meat colour varies from apricot flesh (female) to cream (male). The elongated shells are a beautiful, brownish-green on one end but changing to green at its broad lip, broken up by dark-brown stripes, giving an illusion of mother-of-pearl. Unlike the blue mussel, the green shell mussel's shell is slightly open in its natural state, which New Zealanders refer to as "smiling." The shell closes tightly when the mussel is subjected to stress, freshwater or rough handling. Just
like us ladies!

A throbbing, gently pulsating broth of butter, shallots, white wine and chopped parsley is simmering in a large pan. We drop the mussels into the broth for two minutes, scoop them out into a large bowl and pour the liquor over them. Using an empty mussel double shell as tweezers, we pull the ample plump, inviting creamy flesh from the attractive shells and feed, all the time tearing the French bread apart and plunging it into the mussel liquor to soak up the juicy liquid.

A salad of vine ripened cherry tomatoes and rocket leaves tossed in a basil vinaigrette will accompany this seductive yet earthy dish. Raw Rocket stimulates lust, Basil is reputed by Hindu males as an aphrodisiac because it resembles the female organ, and tomato is frequently called the love apple.

We will hit the spot together and drink a full, energetic, bright and snappy, dry New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc with its tart flavours and length in the mouth.

The Climax

Fruit Nipples and Spicy Chocolate Fondue

Strawberries are referred to as ‘Fruit Nipples’ in erotic literature. The spiciness in the Chocolate Fondue is from dried habaneras chillies! The chilli is thought of as a very potent sexual stimulant. Chocolate is one of the unquestionable kings of aphrodisiacs, the Indians called it the "Nourishment of the Gods".

Bring a cup of water to a boil, toss in the habaneras chillies, and cover for 10 minutes until the habaneras are mushy-soft. Pull them out, chop them as fine as can be, then mash them to a pulp. Melt chocolate in a double boiler or microwave . Add the habanera pulp, stir, and heat again until the chocolate is a thick and creamy yet liquid enough for dipping the strawberries.

Together, we will dip the strawberries into the fondue dish full of the spicy, hot melted chocolate and relish the contrast of the textures and tastes.

A bowl of fresh figs and pine nuts a
re waiting to be sampled. The erotic, fleshy fruit of the fig is said to act as a powerful sexual stimulant and has been thought of for centuries as a symbol of fertility and love. Also it is no coincidence that the fig leaf has been used to cover the genitals of those embarrassed by their nakedness.

"The Perfumed Garden" contains many references to pine nuts. Quoting Galen (circa 130-200 A.D.) it is recommended to drink a glassful of thick honey and eat twenty almonds and one hundred pine nuts before going to bed. After repeating this for three nights, men will acquire vigour for coition.

There is only one drink that will compliment our dessert. Mead or ‘Honeywine’ made from honey; Mead is at the root of the term "honeymoon"! Newlyweds would by tradition drink mead for the month after their wedding. This was supposed to help produce a baby boy.

Shakespeare, in Macbeth: Act II: Scene III writes of alcohol:

“it provokes and it unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance.”

But in spite of this we will have a suitable digestive containing aniseed. Aniseed has aphrodisiac properties but I feel this may be superfluous to our needs at this stage of our meal, and we will have a small glass of the following liqueur purely for medicinal purposes ! The Italian Liqueur Sambuca con Mosca, translates as ‘Sambuca with Flies’………is aniseed based and we will drink it the traditional way with three coffee beans floating in the top, light the liqueur and watch the flame dwindle as the alcohol is burnt away.

Pre-Conjugal

Between the Sheets

There is only one after dinner cocktail to have at this stage of our romantic evening. The cocktail that is intended to seduce!

1 oz. cognac
1 oz. Cointreau
1 oz. Dry gin
Juice of 2 lemons

Put all ingredients into a cocktail shaker with crack
ed ice and shake. Strain into a cocktail glass.


The Next Morning

Morty: “What’s for breakfast babe?”
Me: “ Get up and get your own!”

Razor Clams

I ate these last night. They are razor clams. I will never eat them again. They are obscene.

Good Nosh

This was my first course in a lively new restaurant called Fennel at Whaley Bridge in The High Peaks in Derbyshire. It was a bit unusual because it was smoked, poached haddock with grilled  parmesan on a crumpet. I can imagine the kitchen was using the smoked salmon with cream cheese on a blini theme. It worked OK. Although crumpets should be served piping hot with loads of melting butter and perhaps doesn't lend itself to this sort of presentation as the crumpet was a bit soggy from the smoked haddock juices. Top marks for being inventive.

Here's my main course. Rack of lamb on a bed of crushed potatoes with a good gravy. I always order lamb when I'm in The Peaks because there are thousands of sheep roaming and grazing the hills and I expected it to taste good and it certainly did.

It was a great evening spent with Our Friends From The North. Lively. Plenty to talk and laugh about.

Fennel's has a sixteen -seater bus and it picks up and takes home diners whenever they want at no extra charge. Taxis are a bit dodgy around here as they often tend to charge for the journey to pick you up then add on your actual fare. Then they charge again for driving back to take you home and then again for your actual journey. I can't make sense of this at all. One weekend spent in The Peaks we were charged almost thirty pounds for a return journey to a restaurant in the next village - a fare that would have cost us a tenner here in Dorset.  

So it was wonderful to be picked up at the canal-side pub we were staying in overnight by the Fennel bus (beautifuly painted in Fennel Green) at 7.30 and then six of us taken to eat and drink as much as we wanted and then driven back home again. 

Well done Fennel.

Would You Drink These?

Three Christmases ago I bought this evil Vodka. Those things inside the bottle are Infernally Hot Peppers. We all had a shot glass of it and none of us could speak for hours. It is truly horrendous.

So when I saw this bottle of spirits in a shop in Cambodia complete with a dead snake inside I thought of my bottle of Inferno and pondered - if I was forced to drink from one of these bottles which would I choose.

I hope I never have to choose.

Nothing To Do With George

I'll drink cheap wine all the time. Although I would prefer to drink expensive wine all the time. But I won't drink cheap coffee. Maybe because after the first couple of glasses of cheap wine I don't notice the taste? But cheap coffee tastes nasty down to the last drop doesn't it?

I have a graveyard of coffee machines and coffee makers. Even the stainless steel cafetiere let me down. Took ages to push the plunger down and more than once hot coffee shot out and burnt my hand. My Bialletti Stove Top Espresso was great to start but eventually made coffee that tasted like mud. Plus it wouldn't unscrew for pouring without a struggle and I've burnt worktops with the scalding base -perhaps after drinking cheap wine.

Filter coffee makers are full of promise but who wants stewed coffee kept warm on a hotplate? Percolated coffee is grim. And all of them leave me with used ground coffee to get rid of. I don't have a compost heap so they had to go down the kitchen sink. Not keen on all that.

We were waiting for  our car to be serviced at a main dealer and had a complimentary coffee from their self service coffee machine. I expected it to be ghastly. They usually are from machines. It was wonderful. It was a Nespresso. I watched one of the staff open the top of the machine and fill it with what I thought were individual milk capsules. No, they were Nespresso coffee pods. Just like George advertises. So we bought a Nespresso and the coffee is divine.

As well as the neat and funky coffee maker, included in the price was a Nespresso Aeroccino, a stainless steel cordless jug for heating and frothing milk for Latte and Cappuccino. 

I won't go into detail about how it works but for 25p a coffee pod I can now have the perfect cup of coffee at home. There's no mess. The coffee is as good as any I've paid three pounds for in Speciality High Street Coffee Houses. 

 

The coffee pods are only available at the moment from the Nespresso website  

I ordered fifty pods and they arrived two days later. There's a fine variety of coffees to choose from. If we are supposed to be staying At Home during The Recession then cheap wine and good coffee makes it a lot more inviting.

But that's daft. We're both old enough to have lived through Recessions in the 70s, 80s, 90s and done our share of staying in and economising. In the 1970s I even stopped ladders in my tights with clear nail polish so I look presentable for work. I've cooked enough Scrag End of Lamb Stews. Made a chicken last a whole week. Roasted- cold cuts-a pie-then boiled the carcass and made soup. Stripped the bones for a chicken curry. Saved sixpences in a Dimple Whiskey Bottle until there was enough in it for a night out. Worn cardigans and thick socks to bed to keep warm and save on heating bills. Survived power cuts, three day weeks, 19% interest, soaring inflation, raging Bank Managers without pausing for breath. 

So no saving money here. What for? We must spend it and support local high street shops, buy tickets for local entertainment venues. Do Pub Quizzes and buy a few pints and drink expensive (cheap wine) wine that costs as much for a glass as a Supermarket bottle. Shop online for Nespresso Coffee Pods. 

Here's to cheap wine, excellent coffee and no Scrag End of Lamb.

Jamie's Italian

The streets of Bath were deserted on Sunday evening. We strolled from our hotel in Queen Street, the beautiful Haringtons Hotel, into Milsom Place for a meal at Jamie's Italian.

And we hit a queue! We joined it. This queue was for a table at Jamie's Italian on a freezing cold night. Jamie's Italian can seat over two hundred people - and there was a queue. Could the hype be true?

In seconds a staff member came outside and took names, number of expectant diners and told us it would be ten minutes before there would be a table free in the bar and a further forty minutes before we could expect to be shown to a table. Normally we'd walk away from a situation like this. There are hundreds of restaurants in Bath. But we stayed.

Within ten minutes we were sitting in the bar area with drinks. I was in awe of the place. The decor, ambience and buzz were overwhelming. I felt as if we'd walked off the street onto another planet. One sip of our drinks and on the move again to our table passing cooking areas, hanging hams, cheeses and what seemed to be hundreds of chefs, waiting staff and other diners. Electrifying.

Menus were instant (have a look and be impressed) So were the carafes of wine. The menu was laid out in such a way it was very easy to order. So we started with bread, olives and salted roasted almonds while we chose our main courses, bypassing the Antipasta courses.

Above is my main course of lamb with mint pesto. It was the most delicious lamb I have ever eaten in my whole life. The first picture is of crispy polento chips. Historic. In the picture are chick peas.

Above are just some of the in-house breads.

There are the olives on ice cubes with music bread - more like matzas - and the almonds. Tap water on the table without having to ask. Every mouthful was memorable. The prices are Cheap. Service is Perfect. The decor and lighting is like something from a film set.

Go. Go to Bath. Stay at Haringtons. Walk round the corner to Jamie's and wish you had one in your town. I wish restuaraters in my town paid a visit to Jamie's to see how it can be done and came back to give us the benefit of their experience. It's all so simple really.

And it isn't a hype - it's all true.