Steaming

Got a new Flossing DVD handset that isn't working with my new Sony DVD player. Done batteries and tried the DVDs in another player. Result - its the handset.

Got a five year old HP all-in-one printer that refuses to re-install. I can't continue driving myself insane trying to get it to work. I am about to Hurl It out of the window.

This is after I'd had to buy a new DVD external drive because the Flossing internal DVD on my tower packed up and without the DVD I couldn't put the Installation Disc in.

Just had a new printer delivered because I am so Flossed Off with my old one and there's no USB enclosed, even though it Has A Check List including the USB with a picture of it on the box!!!!!!.

I've got a box of trailing leads, USBs and other rubbish, one of which should fit, from obselete technology in a cupboard and they've all knotted up like Live Snakes and I've just chucked the box in the air with Twitting Fury.

I am still waiting for Hillary's Blinds to tell me my Pooping Internal Shutters have been made in China and have safely crossed the High Seas so I can have the BumWiping things installed - I ordered them in November!

One week after my new galley kitchen was installed the immersion tank above burst and stained my new plaster ceiling and I had to have a new immersion and the Weeing Ceiling redecorated.

If I didn't already drink alcohol - I'd start now!

I Can See Clearly Now

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The work-in-progress on the cottage continues. I have moved on from ghastly pub lighting in here to glass and crystal. The centre light chandelier above is acrylic in an Art-Deco style. I bought three of them for lounge, landing and bedroom six months ago from The White Company online and have finally reached the tarting up stage so the electrician arrived this morning to install all my new fittings. They seem very grand for a small cottage but I adore them. They are bold and blend well with plastered stone walls, black beams and wood.

Above is one of the two new wall lights from John Lewis online. Look at the shadows and patterns cast on the walls. John Lewis is the first online store I visit when I need something new for the home. I bookmark items I like and then carry on searching to compare. Next day free delivery and excellent Customer Service.

So now I need sunglasses indoors. This home has never been so bright.

New carpets fitted on Wednesday.

Scented Soy For Me

My decorator spent three days washing my plaster walls before he could begin emulsioning them. They were coated with a layer of wax and very black smoke damaged corners under curtains. Yes - from burning perfumed paraffin wax candles. I love my Yankee candles but the damage was extensive. He advised me to burn Soy candles. I am horrified at the toxins in paraffin wax candles. Disconcerted that my expensive re-paint jobby could be ruined with simply burning a candle.

Some Googling and this website in the top ten on the first page appealed to me the most. Sentelle Soy candles Easy to navigate and customer friendly. I liked being able to choose not only the fragrance but the colour of the candle as well.

Within hours of my order being accepted I had a personal email from Sentelle thanking me for my custom and telling me my fragrant Soy Candles would be delivered within twenty four hours - and they were. With a handwritten Thank You note and a small gift.

Beautifully presented and the promise of the fragrance lasting the life of the candle, slow burning, biodegradable, toxin free, non-carcinogenic from a sustainable resource. I took advantage of free delivery for orders over £50.00 then I took a photo of them for you because they are attractive.

Wine Tasting and Lipstick

The wine tasting in a luxurious South African Vineyard began like this. Clean, shining glasses, the list of wines we were tasting, with spaces to write comments, a dish of dry crackers and a spittoon.

It ended like this.

My Favourite

After two weeks travelling through South Africa seeing wonderful scenery, flowers, birds, sitting on an ostrich then eating it for lunch, lions, crocodiles, wilderbeasts, meercats, holding an elephant's tusk, penguins, seals, lions, pumas you'd think I could do better than this - a photo of a Dung Beatle - but I love them.

They burrow into the dung and gather a golf ball sized lump then roll it to a hiding place where they lay their eggs inside it. They nick each others dung balls and fight over them. Very entertaining.

Everything But The Head

I have never eaten so much meat in one sitting. No:29 restaurant and wine bar in Whaley Bridge Derbyshire was perfect. The decor is warm and welcoming and modern and we were given a professional welcome and the waiting staff were very efficient and friendly. A small jazz combo played Norah Jones type music during the evening at the right level, not drowning conversation and adding to the relaxing atmosphere. Above is my first course. Sweetbreads. They were perfectly cooked and brought back many happy memories for me as my late Chef husband used to cook Sweetbreads when we owned our restaurant. December 7th would have been his birthday so eating them seemed like a perfect tribute.

The above dish was described as Lamb Three Ways. Much laughter. There are Lamb's Kidneys, two Lamb Cutlets and a Barnsley Lamb Chop on a Rosti. Again perfectly cooked and flavoursome. These two dishes contained more meat than I eat in a week. I did have to give one of the Cutlets to my bloke. Can you see those Sumo Chips just above with a Rib-Eye Beef Steal balanced on top?

A great evening in a smashing restaurant.

Bad Taste

My decluttering has produced some forgotten gems, including this cruet set. I've never used it. Perhaps I would if it ground rock salt and black peppercorns. See how the male bottom is perter than the female's?

My New Galley Kitchen

This is my new galley kitchen. Twelve years ago I got planning permission to build a kitchen extension here but had to let it go because I couldn't afford it.

This refit in the existing galley, completed six weeks ago, cost almost as much as as an extension would have in 1995 but I love the result. Before this refit it was a 1970's Retro. Even more poignant for me because I've never had a brand new cooker, fridge, floor-tiles, sink, units, washing machine or lights in my life. I've always bought reconditioned or they've been another person's choice and come with the property.

The Butcher's Block on castors is wonderful for food preparation and storing everyday knives, cutlery and china. I'm pleased I didn't have that extension as perhaps it would seem dated now?

Mums

I told my Tesco Home Delivery Man that I ordered my Mum's weekly shop online from Dorset and it was delivered to her in Sussex.

'That's nothing' he said ' There's a bloke in Canada who orders his Mum's shopping from there and she gets it delivered in Dorset'.

I told my Mum. A pause on her end of the 'phone. Then,

'That's a long way to fly the shopping'.

The Navigation Inn

A sample of some of the brilliant dressing up for Halloween at The Navigation Inn at Buxworth, High Peaks.

These are the chefs.

The first slices of the roasted sheep. It was delicious.

Very scary indeed. The landlords of The Navigation Inn decorated every spare inch and I hear that they've already decorated for the Christmas Season with equal enthusiasm.

Drip

Woken up to water dripping through my newly plastered kitchen ceiling onto my new electric hob. Got a bucket catching the drips. Taken a photo for insurance purposes.

Not a disaster compared to the many global troubles but it really has upset me. I waited years for the time and the money to re-renovate my tiny old cottage. Spent since April with builders and total chaos and dust and living uncomfortably - then this happens.

My own fault for feeling so snug and smug and complacent because my home is (was) almost perfect at last and I was wallowing in the pleasure and comfort. That'll learn me.

Where's a Polish Plumber when you need one?

Do It Yourself

Had to wait a whole month to get my dental appointment. A back molar is loose and I'll need a bridge in the future.

I arrived at nine in the morning to be told the dentist's drill was overheating and I'd need to make another appointment as he couldn't treat me. I argued that my mouth was senstive and I was taking pain killers - so they gave me a box of anti-biotics.

This snotty receptionist told me I could have another appointment in a month's time. I was livid. Told her I wasn't going to wait that long and shouldn't have to and will not be paying for the anti-biotics as I only need them because they couldn't treat me. She reluctantly gave me an appointment in ten days time.

Meanwhile, this loose tooth means I can't eat, speak with a slur and worn my tongue out pushing it back in it's socket.

So I got home still full of anger - so I yanked it out myself.

Bloke suggested that the pantomime season is with us and I could get a bit-part as a Pirate.

Back With Another Flurry

A whole summer spent renovating the cottage, visiting Instanbul and Wales so no wonder no Blogging.

Sadly I had to abandon my Open University course. The first time I've had to drop out of an OU course and it upset me to have to do this but I made the right decision as studying would have added pressure to an already very busy time - can always pick up the pieces next year.

Mean Moules And Brown Food

My first course. Four scallops with no coral with a non-descript mound of floppy green leaves in the centre. No dressing, no seasoning. Boring limp and cost nine pounds.

Can you count how many Moules there are in the photo? There are twelve. That includes the ones that stayed shut and the empty shells too. This mean dish wins first prize for presenting me with the smallest portion of Moules I've ever had. Moules are cheap. They usually get served in a bucket with a pile of crusty bread for dunking into the liquer and a spoon for what's left. No spoon here and one half a slice of brown bread and one half a slice of white bread - mean! I was shocked into silence. I Could Not Utter. This was my lunch in a pub garden at the beach during half term.

The above plate of Brown Food is Calves Liver and Bacon on a bed of mashed potato and red cabbage - swamped in ladles of very brown, thick gravy. It cost fifteen pounds. It looked like a school dinner. It looked like somebody in the kitchen -I can't think it was a Chef - had thrown it on the plate. It was sloppy, uninviting and amateurish. It was only after the meal we discovered the excellent Chef who had cooked for us before had left. If this was prepared by his replacement then we won't be eating here again.

This was my main course following the scallops on Saturday night in a Boutique Hotel in town. I didn't bother with a desert.

Bugsworth

Went for a ride on a narrow boat along the canal at Bugsworth in the High Peaks on Sunday afternoon. I love the sea, rivers and boats but canals are a very different experience. We chugged along very slowly to Whaley Bridge then moored up for a pint and chugged back gently for a late Sunday Roast in The Navigation Inn at Bugsworth. The Semi-Trad Narrow Boat owner is refitting the inside so isn't living on it yet but hopes to within the next six months. I can see why people opt out of Real Life, buy a canal boat and a mooring and float about the Waterways. Very tempting Way Of Life.

I wonder how long it would take to take the canal route from Bugsworth to London - but would it matter? Has to be better than driving to London in a car.

Saturday night was spent in Bugsworth and a great meal with friends and then a live Gig at the Buggy Club with a terrific Blues Band and a mesmerising performance by the harmonica player. A spooky figure in the half light, dressed in black completed by his haunting musicianship. I like the Blues because I know all the words and the toons.

Should We Have Done Something?

There must be many passengers who travelled on the Manchester to Plymouth Virgin Voyager train today who feel as upset as I am right now. Especially the ones who sat in Carriage C. It was the swearing first wasn't it? A heavy male North West English brogue. But it wasn't the brogue was it. When did you first notice the baby crying and it being told to 'Shut the fuck up'. Then an older child started to cry. It wasn't just crying. The young child was gasping for breath between long drawn out sobs. The tiny baby sounded as if it was being hurt. It was scared.

The male moron, who seemed the be the father, was drunk. I heard the tins popping. I heard speech begin to slur. I heard his language get worse as he threatened to stick things up these babies arses to shut them up. One of the two females was the mother of these two unfortunate children, the other woman was her sister. They both giggled inanely at the drunken father's 'jokes'. I imagined if they didn't laugh at his jokes he would hit them. Maybe not. They sounded as bad as him. The baby began crying again and I heard one of the women say ' It's because you pinched him'.

I was sitting three aisles in front of them. I couldn't see them - but I could hear it all. I needed to see what they were like. I went to the toilet and had to pass them. Moronic male was slumped, slurring and still drinking in his seat. The sisters were immature girls. They were surroundeed by empty lager tins, plastic carrier bags, a mess of food, used nappies - pure chaos. He was a very big bloke, shaven headed and pissed. The faces of the individual travellers sitting near them said it all. Everyone looked in shock. Four young women travelling together left their seats near this family and moved into four empty seats in front of me.

I heard one of them say 'He's shaking the baby now'.

I got off the train at Taunton. This family were going on holiday to Devon.

I made no eye contact with the rest of the passengers. We were all so very British. Keeping quiet, not drawing attention to ourselves, not making the first move to do something, like interfere, when all the while two very young babies were at risk from a family who were drunk on a train in the middle of the day.

What could we have done?

Indulging

I'm beginning to enjoy these short and intensive study periods as opposed to my usual way of study - a bit every day. Yesterday and today I've dedicated to getting stuck into Virginia Woolf and Orlando and begun to make organised notes and feel so much better at getting something down on 'paper' and gaining some understanding.

It was one month ago on my train journey to the High Peaks in Derbyshire that I read Orlando for the first time - and I loathed it. I'm making the same journey this Saturday and how my opinion has changed about the book and about Virginia Woolf. I love them both. I would love a Girlie Evening with Virginia Woolf, Germaine Greer Joan Rivers and me. Goodness knows what the conversation would be like and if we'd all get along together but it could be Much Fun.

The cut off date for the TMA04 submission is in a month's time, so giving myself a break from Woolf and going to read Daphne Du Maurier's Rebecca this Saturday. I've read it several times before but not since I've been studying literature so I expect to read it with a different outlook - I wonder what I'll find?

So I'm putting my books away now until Tuesday.

Half Way Through

Third assignment for 20th Century Literature returned and marked and passed. I gained much satisfaction from studying Poetry of the 1930s and I had promised my Step-Dad that I'd give him my collection of Robin Skelton's Poetry of the Thirties, but now I am keeping it and intend to do some Poetry Reading Out Loud.

I am surprised that I'm still in there with this OU course because my usually ordered life is chaotic at the moment and I'm grabbing isolated days to do intensive study and then having to leave it alone for days and days at a time. I prefer a couple of hours study at a time on a regular basis with space to contemplate. My mind can only absorb so much and I have to go back to the beginning every time rather than pick things up where I left off.

The fourth assignment is a four thousand word essay on Virginia Woolf's Orlando and her Modernism, Feminism and other -isms. I swotted all day yesterday, didn't make one single note and won't be free to get back to it for a week. There have been many essays with limits of two thousand words and I've wished there'd been more, but for this one I wish we had less.

The weekend was good. But since national newspapers have been renaming my town Notting Hill On Sea its impossible to get a table for a meal in either of our two Trendy Eating Places as they are full of Trendy People From Cities wearing Boden and Oasis. So Saturday night four of us trawled around for food and ended up eating in one of our eight Ethnic Eating Places instead.

We did two lunchtime bike rides into the countryside and even had problems parking our bikes in pub car parks because the monster 4x4s and horses took up all the spaces. This is great for our local economy but not so good if you live here and patronise these places all year round only to be firmly turned away - and not politely either. On Saturday evening we asked to sit in the courtyard at the first Trendy Eating Place and order at once (this was at seven o'clock)

'No! We have sixty bookings'.

'But nobody's here yet. We can order now before the bookings start coming in'.

'No. We're not taking any more bookings'.

There was no sign of the owner. This was a young Front Of House person we'd never seen before. I wonder if the owner would have turned us away and cash in his till?

You'll want us and our pennies on a miserable Tuesday evening in February. A wet Monday lunchtime in November.

Urban Legend

The Sun Online has this wonderful tale of Sheep from the UK and Australia being sold as Poodles in Japan. Please click to get the computer enhanced picture of a Sheep after its been tarted up at the Poodle Parlour. Very strange.

This Blogger does a pretty good job of exposing the scam but it is a good one all the same.

Almost as good as an Urban Myth going around several years ago. A couple took their five year old with them on a holiday to Cambodia. The family fell in love with a scrappy looking little puppy dog that followed them wherever they went. It moved into their hotel room. Time to return to the UK and they couldn't leave the puppy behind so they smuggled it home.

The puppy slept in the five year old's bed every night. The Puppy got ill. They called the vet. The vet tells them,

'This isn't a dog, it's a vicious Cambodian Dock Rat.'

I like the Poodle-Sheep one better.

Lavatorial TMA

After thirty two years of loyal service, my faithful Avocado Green Lavatory has spent the whole day in my front garden waiting for the Plumber Man to take him to the tip. When my Mum reads this she will tell me I Have No Shame posting a photo of my old toilet on my Blog.I shall have to reassure her that the whole of my town probably now knows that I am the last person on this earth to still have an Avocado Lavatory (and bath and hand-basin) as they sneak past my house, gasp in amazement at how plebby I am and tell all their friends down the pub. These numbers of people with knowing winks and nods will far exceed my Blog readership Mum.

Just as impressive was my son-in-law phoning me asking if I saw the momentous Carrying Across The Road Drama of my Avocado Bath at ten to four yesterday afternoon. I didn't see this. I know everyone else saw it.

Meanwhile, after two weeks with the builders in my house every day renovating the bathroom, I've had no other choice but to sit here at my laptop and work on my TMA as I select tiles, mosaics, emulsion and make more tea. So, as I was well behind with my studies, this is a Good Thing as my TMA is now written - to be left alone for a few days - then a re-read and file away until submitted.

I've only seen one Builder's Bum too. This was when the Plumber was doing things to my boiler and the young Electrician did a very good impression of vomiting at the view.