Tuesday, 2 December 2008


Six months ago my family lost a precious family member. This loss was unexpected because they hadn't been ill and they were young. Since then we've wept together, held each other, laughed together and are rebuilding our lives. I spoke at the Humanist Celebration of their life. I spoke of happy times, of their funny ways, of our relationship, of his life. I didn't cry throughout. I looked nobody in the eye as I stood on the rostrum. I stayed strong for everyone else. How I managed this I will never know.

The above photo of myself and a new friend was taken last week at the Wake of another young man. He was in his early fifties and left a widow and two young sons. I had never met him. He was an old friend of Morty's and over five hundred people attended the service. I look happy don't I?

That's because I cried all the way through this stranger's service. All my tears, emotions and heart wrenching pain was for the man who died six months ago - my son-in-law. He also left a widow and two young sons; my daughter and my two young grandsons. Releasing my previously controlled emotions in a place full of people I didn't know and will never meet again was cathartic. My sense of relief was dramatic.

So I smiled and circulated at this stranger's wake. I said appropriate words to his widow. I spoke to his two young sons. Perhaps I was one of the few mourners among the many hundreds honouring this young man's life who knew exactly how this family feel. How they will face the future without their husband and father. How his two young sons will look after their Mum - just as my two young grandsons are looking after theirs.
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Maddie Grigg said...

I'm glad you were able to let it out. And I'm glad you're back blogging again, Buggles.

Buggles Balham High Road said...

Thanks for your thoughts Maddie. Perhaps now I've beaten my Blogging Block.

Rob Spence said...

Welcome back. I've had to face bereavement myself this year, and it is very hard to do - but we have to do it, don't we? We have to get on.

Buggles Balham High Road said...

Thanks for the Welcome Back Rob. I appreciate this.

When we've been out in town for the night, we walk home and pass my daughter's house. I know she and her sons are fast asleep and safe in bed, but her husband isn't there. I am always overcome with sadness - but that is part of getting on with it.

I wish you well.

kat said...

So sorry to hear this - sending you and your family a big hug.
You were very brave to go along to the second funeral - the emotions were bound to come out eventually.

Buggles Balham High Road said...

Thanks Kat. Good to See you again.

pal said...

So terribly sorry to hear this. Life can be such a shit sometimes.

Hugs to you both and the boys.

Buggles Balham High Road said...

Thanks Pal. I'm so proud of them. The twelve year old grandson has stepped into his Dad's role and cuts the grass and looks after the tropical fish Aquarium - and he cooks.

The fourteen year old always double checks everything is unplugged and all doors bolted before they all go to bed.

My daughter is a star as she comes to terms with her loss and as well as a Mum is also The Boys' Best Friend. She is also my Best Friend.

I'm just so glad they all moved from London four years ago and now live around the corner from me. I can see her chimney pot.

Keep Blogging!

tea and cake said...

Good to see you back, and so, so sorry for your loss. Karen xx